The Empty Chair debate

Dearest Reader,

Welcome to the Empty Chair debate, which is a self-reflection method for two conflicting mindsets residing in the very same person!

The person in question is me.

I have been dealing with a lot of exhaustion but I refuse to stop feeling guilty about it. There is a lot of intense and invisible pressure I keep feeling from time to time and it has definitely taken a toll on my productivity, my anxiety and my ego. While discussing about the same in therapy, I was suggested this very exercise and I found it to be quite interesting and creative. I hope you enjoy reading it as well as take something from my experience!

Defining the two candidates :

1. Ms Exhausted All the Time is a complete burnout who goes on a guilt trip because she can't meet deadlines

2. Ms Perfection or Nothing is an extremely detailed-oriented woman who gets uncomfortable when she does not provide her 100%

Currently, both these candidates are unhealthy for 'The Person'

and yet, important for her to be one.

Ms. Perfection or Nothing - the Perfectionist in me

• I am very detail-oriented.

• I can be highly idealistic instead of realistic.

• I NEED 100% delivery on any work I do or else I will sulk.

• I originated in my person's childhood - when her mother would push her to get 100% every time. She doesn't think her mother wanted anything bad for her but at the time when the bond was wounded, it created a need for me who would be either perfect or nothing.

• Since the push was very prominent in the early stages, I did very well in her academics (also because of ease of subject level) Later on, I developed an extreme mindset that I either would be able to clear her tasks in one go or would not even try if there's any doubt of failing.

• I don't find it too wrong to be irrational, but yes, I will agree that my stubbornness has caused me a lot of harm, life stagnant, self-disappointment and energy drainage, contributing to originating Ms Exhausted all the time.

• I think I play a very dominating role when my person is energetic - and I end up wearing her down to a worse level where Ms Exhausted grows up to be dominating in this unhealthy loop.

• I think I need to practice or learn how to keep myself more realistic and take small breaks as well as accept that while I want the best for my person, overdoing it is only harming her.
  

Ms Exhausted All the Time - the burned-out Lady

• I am a major coping mechanism.

• I prefer that my person rests, she needs it big time.

• While I was present since my teenage years, I think I rose in a dominating position after my person lost her mother and became emotionally fragile - when she started blocking her emotions to go through the day. They take a lot of mental gymnastics after all.

• Currently, I am still the dominating self.

• Being a perfectionist, my person often would work herself to death in any domain; be it studies, be it relationships around her or how she presents herself. She is very detail-oriented and it started getting exponentially tough to handle everything once her mother passed away, and that is when I started coming out to help her.

• I feel that her habit of not taking care of herself has made her age years in one go. She is very exhausted with everything and I let her take a break from all the complexities that is in her life and let her watch shows and videos which lets her block her thoughts and ease down.

• I don't want her to start working on her career again because that would really wear her out again - already as it is I don't believe she has really recovered from previous stunts with her career.

• I flared the highest during the pandemic though, to shift her mind from the fact that she is locked in a house where her mother is not present. She really needed to rest, her eyes needed rest, her brain needed to stop overthinking, and her back wanted to sleep.

• While I still believe that resting is very necessary for her from time to time, I should accept that I am overdoing it.

• Resting too much is causing a pang of huge guilt and shame in my person that she is not being enough and is just wasting her life away. She feels dull as well.

• I need to understand that breaks are a part of her life. She can't take breaks happily if she doesn't work with satisfaction though.

Conclusion of the Empty Chair Debate by the host

The host of the debate understands that Ms Perfection or Nothing and Ms Exhausted All the Time both developed for the person's well-being at different points in life. They both worked well together but a major turning point created a game of tug of war between the two. They both wanted to overtake the person because the person was conflicted as she did not know how to deal with herself while growing up.

Currently, Ms Exhausted all the time is in charge and is taking her time to understand that she needs to work with Ms Perfection together instead of against each other

Ms Perfection or Nothing is also trying to understand how her being on extremes with Ms Exhausted all the time is only harmful and is taking steps to dial herself down to let the person take advantage of them both instead of getting hurt by both of them.

The host believes that regular reflections will keep them both conscious about how to deal with a situation in a way where they don't just rough out The Person they want to care the most about.